I don't know where to begin, because there's always so much going on in my mind.
You have to know that I'm a photographer, I make music videos and I'm in a music project called „IAN JULES“ .
So there's always a lot of creative stuff, I'm thinking of most of the time. It's about new ideas for new videos, visions for new picture styles or new ideas I could bring in into our music project.
As good as it is to think in those creative ways or patterns, it hasn't only benefits for me.
There are times where too much things race through my head and I can't even keep a cool mind.
I often ask myself
''Is it right or is it wrong? Was that the right decision, I made?
How would it have been, if I chose another way?''
Of course I will never know, that's how it is, but most of the time I'm overthinking.
Sometimes I find myself in situations, where I have to make decisions.Some of them are easy to make and some of them, of course turn out much harder. That's nothing new for anyone, but there are times, in which I think so much about the consequence or the outcome, that it doesn't matter which decision I make, it turns out to be the wrong one.
Afterwards I notice, it would've been better, if I only tried instead of overthink everything.
Also there are times I make decisions, which could've been better, but I'm ok with it and I know I was halfway right.
Since I got the knowledge, that it doesn't always matter so much how I decide, the more I know it will be easier next time, when I have to make choices. But sometimes it hits me right in the face and exactly the opposite happens.
So far so good. That doesn't sound so bad at all, but it feels like it hits me harder than other people and I really don't know why. Other people which I know or friends of mine can handle those situations better than me and I assume my overthinking is the reason for it.
When I get to know new people or new friends, I often notice characteristics, which I don't have, but I would love to own. There are days where I'm craving to own other characteristics and then there are days where I love myself and I'm happy that I am like I am.
I love it to see things differently, to evolve myself or to learn good things from other people. It's important to learn from others and adapting yourself to other people is also very important, I think.
People always say ''Stay as you are.'', but how do you want to get better without changing yourself, or pushing yourself to another level?
Sometimes I got that ''childlike thinking'', not immature, but maybe you will call it naive?
I think everyone remembers his fantasies and imaginations during childhood.
I'm talking about carefree thinking, not worrying about a single thing.
Everything doesn't only seem to be possible, at that time in your life everything is possible. How awesome is that?
It's an incredible skill and it seems like we're not losing, but forgetting it and that's sad.
I'm happy about the fact, that I'm able to use this skills sometimes. It helps me in so many ways, not only in photography or music, but also in my social enviroment.
Talking about photography.
I've been taking pictures for three years now.
When I first started photography, I used to collect figures from nintendo and star wars, which I took outside to the park to shoot pictures of them.
Someday I got myself an analog camera, because I wanted to collect memories.
I began to take pictures of different things and people.
And now ifind myself in the situation, where I shooted for a local band, a fashion label or I make the visuals for the music project from my brother and myself ''IAN JULES''.
It's all still not a big thing, but for me it's really huge and it means the world to me.
There are still times where I wonder, whether my photos, the angles I used to shoot or the emotions in the pictures are good. I often put so much doubt in my work and it would be great, if I could get rid of it.
Analog photography works like a compensation for me and I think ironically it's completely different. I don't waste time thinking about shooting the right angle or the right moment.
It just happens I litteraly go with the flow. That's awesome. But wouldn't it be good, if it would be the same with the pictures, which i take for other people? Wouldn't it be nice to take everything in life more relaxed? Of course it would be.
I didn't figure out how to get rid of overthinking and how to take everything more relaxed yet. It seems thinking about how it could be, which decisions would be better or thinking about what others may think of me, is part of my life. That's hard, but it is how it is.
I'm blessed, my parents gave birth to my awesome little brother, twenty years ago.
He helps me a lot with his unique and funny personality. We are a inseperable team.
I'm glad to have someone like him right by my side. Thank you little brother.
At least I know, we all go through different stages in our lives and no phase lasts forever. It's up to you how you deal with it.
And at the end of the day, it's better to try, than holding it back and keeping it for yourself.
I know, that I'm on the right track and it gets better.
If I can make it through, so you can!